Try

I haven't been good at writing each day. I do think about it every day but I just don't get around to doing it. I think it is partly because writing is difficult these days. I have something in my head and I just can't express it like I want. So I don't even try!

I saw the OT earlier this week.
Today I saw the psychiatrist and nurse therapist. 
Both are pushing for a home visit. That terrifies me. I haven't had anyone in my house in at least 2 years. My house will be a huge mountain to climb in my recovery. I keep telling myself that it will be good in the long run to have someone come over. I may throw up in anticipation or even during the home visit but I think it will help get whatever is blocking me mentally moving.

It left me with a big ball of something deep inside. The emotion is bubbling. I don't know what the emotion is yet. I found myself tapping my feet, clenching my hands, fidgeting like crazy.... it needs to be released. I wonder when it will happen.....